How does it feels apabila hasil tulisan dan fikiran gua tidak dipandang dan diendah?
Satu soalan yang senang untuk diberikan jawapannya tapi agak butthurt untuk menerimanya.
For several weeks, the idea of dying are not as strong as before, not that I felt happy or joy with my life, it just that I got something else more significant to do rather that thinking about being dead.
Well, death is a process, dying is a journey, memories is what a dead person left for legacy. Maybe depression encourage me to die, maybe suicide, maybe just sit alone at home imagining everything.
I don't want to die, but I think I should. what a contradicting statement right?
Last week, I encountered a man having a car accident. Gia adalah hero penyelamat pada hari itu. What his car capsized, I pulled him out and the first thing he said to me is that I can't barely face the world he is living and wanted to suicide.
Well, funny is, the first thing I said to him is not to commit suicide, life is beautiful, life is meaningful, what am I lying to to him. Either I bring the best word is convincing some stranger from commenting a suicide and save my ass from all the process of clearing every fucking nonsense, or I just mean it. I don't really exactly knows.
But eventually, I did it and helped him. Do I feel proud? Not entirely.
Life is about death, the process, the journey, the effect on others.
How does it feels on life after death? I don't know, it's a mystery department. For those who are religious, you got everything sort out. For me, I think I want to be cremated and my ash scattered in the wind. Peace would be my final request.
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